First Blog Post

This is my first blog post… well second but I chickened out of posting the last one. I made this site a while ago but this was only to find other people’s stories to relate to. I now feel like maybe writing down my feelings will help me or you. Hopefully it does some good for someone. Even if it just makes someone not feel alone then great. Its my therapy.

I suffer from depression and anxiety. The usual shit that half of us have to deal with and the lucky few that don’t well they don’t realise how lucky they are not to be feeling this way. Its been nearly 4 years, well it will be in October that I have been dealing with depression. It started when I was 18 years old.. and now 21.. and I am still dealing with it. Well trying too. I am still trying to figure it out, how to cope, how to get through day too day. I think I just need to accept this is me and I have to work round it. It’s just not fair, not fair at all. I am only 21 years old, I struggle to get out of bed, to motivate myself, to not want to be around people and to make the effort. I should be out all the time seeing friends, family having a great wee life. I have a great job, I rent a flat, I have the most caring boyfriend and well my family are a mixture. We are getting there though which is a bonus. So reading that your either thinking why is she depressed? She could be so much worse off or she does not realise how lucky she is or even that I still have a job something must be going right. Don’t get me wrong the job thing, there has been times it could have slipped out my figures and I could have been unemployed but I have been lucky that my first job (big girl job) was supportive in the way I could get away with being off ill, I wouldn’t get paid but I wouldn’t get pulled up either so I coped. I didn’t exactly cope with the work side of things and I did really struggle but my boss wasn’t interested. He was told numerous amount of times from me about my illness and how I was struggling but he never gave me the support that I continued to ask for. After I moved from there for different reasons I ended up on 6 month probation in my new job. It was tough my manager was not supportive in the slightest in a way it was a good thing to not be let away with not going to work but it was also a bad thing. She used to just make a joke out about how I was feeling after I sat and opened up about my feelings (which I said I wouldn’t if I moved job) but I couldn’t keep this to myself when I was struggling to motivate myself. I now have a different manager and she is so supportive. I still worry that she thinks something different that what she is telling me to my face but I think that’s part of who I am, I always worry about what people think of me or what they are saying behind my back.. It’s difficult to turn those feelings off sometimes with any situation. You say one thing to me and months down the line it will still be in my head. You will not realise it and you will have probably forgot all about it but yes that’s how my head works. Am a nutter basically.

Basically the above I can relate to. I always look up quotes when I am down they help me as it feels as if its something I can relate to. Someone else felt this way and this is why a quote like this was made. It makes you feel less alone in the world than you already do. I have saved many quotes over the years and I will post them occasionally just in case you are looking for something to relate to.

It’s now 2am, I think its time for bed. To anybody (if anybody) reads this, thanks! And hope you can relate or maybe you could share your story.

xx